Stephen Colbert vs. Maria Butina of Russian Agent Had A Republican Boyfriend
Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS.
Maria Butina, The Russia Agent, Had A Republican Boyfriend
Versus Video Transcripts:
00:00
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
00:01
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
00:03
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HAPPY FRIDAY, ONE AND ALL.
00:10
YOU MADE IT!
00:12
WE MADE IT, WE EARNED IT.
00:16
WE EARNED IT THIS WEEK COULD NOT END SOON ENOUGH BECAUSE ALL WEEK
00:20
DONALD TRUMP HAS BEEN INSULTING OUR ALLIES IN
00:23
NATO AND COZYING UP TO RUSSIA.
00:24
IT'S LIKE THAT OLD SAYING: THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS ALSO MY
00:28
ENEMY.
00:28
FRIENDS MAKE YOU WEAK!
00:32
( LAUGHTER ) THEN YESTERDAY, HE INVITED
00:35
VLADIMIR PUTIN TO THE WHITE HOUSE.
00:37
WE HAVE A COPY OF THE INVITATION:
00:40
PLEASE CHOOSE: CHICKEN, FISH, OR THE LAUNCH CODES.
00:44
( LAUGHTER ) BY NOW, IT'S AN ESTABLISHED FACT
00:51
THAT RUSSIAN MILITARY OFFICERS HACKED D.N.C. SERVERS TO HELP
00:55
GET DONALD TRUMP ELECTED.
00:57
BUT THIS WAS NO ONE PRONGED STRATEGY.
01:01
THEY ALSO PRONGED THE N.R.A.
01:03
WITH THEIR SPY MARIA BUTINA.
01:11
S♪ ( LAUGHTER )
01:15
SHE WAS CHARGED WITH CONSPIRACY TO ACT AS AN AGENT OF THE
01:19
RUSSIAN FEDERATION WITHIN THE UNITED STATES WITHOUT PRIOR
01:21
NOTIFICATION TO THE ATTORNEY GENERAL.
01:24
WHAT?!
01:25
I DIDN'T KNOW SPYING IS OKAY IF YOU
01:29
JUST GET THE ATTORNEY GENERAL TO SIGN A PERMISSION SLIP?
01:32
"TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, PLEASE EXCUSE MARIA FROM THE LAW.
01:39
SINCERELY, JEFFERSON BEAUREGARD-OVICH SESSIONS."
01:46
( LAUGHTER ) PROSECUTORS ASKED THAT BUTINA BE
01:48
DETAINED AHEAD OF HER TRIAL.
01:50
THEY SAY SHE'S A FLIGHT RISK BECAUSE OF "HER HISTORY OF
01:52
DECEPTIVE CONDUCT, THE STRONG EVIDENCE OF GUILT, AND HER
01:56
EXTENSIVE FOREIGN CONNECTIONS."
01:57
OH MY GOD, DONALD TRUMP IS ALSO A FLIGHT RISK!
02:00
( LAUGHTER ) CHECK THE AIRPORT FOR A WHITE
02:02
MAN, 6'3", WIG MADE OF MOLDY HAY-- IF YOU SEE HIM FLEEING THE
02:08
COUNTRY, LET HIM GO.
02:13
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
02:15
( PIANO RIFF ) BUT HERE'S THE DEAL --
02:25
BUTINA DOES HAVE TIES IN THE UNITED STATES.
02:27
FOR EXAMPLE, SHE WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH LONGTIME
02:28
REPUBLICAN INSIDER AND PENNYWISE WITHOUT THE MAKEUP, PAUL
02:35
ERICKSON.
02:36
THESE DAYS, ERICKSON IS A SUPER-CONNECTED POWER PLAYER IN
02:39
CONSERVATIVE POLITICS, WHICH IS A BIG STEP UP FROM HIS JOB IN
02:42
THE '90S AS "MEDIA ADVISER FOR JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT, THE MAN
02:46
WHOSE WIFE, LORENA, CHOPPED HIS PENIS OFF WITH A CARVING KNIFE."
02:50
CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT'S MEDIA ADVISOR?
02:55
"JOHN, THE PUBLIC'S STARTING TO LOSE INTEREST-- HOW WOULD YOU
02:58
FEEL-- AND HEAR ME OUT-- WE CHOP OFF YOUR PENIS AGAIN?"
03:04
( LAUGHTER ) AS PART OF THAT GIG, ERICKSON
03:06
SENT BOBBITT ON AN INTERNATIONAL "LOVE HURTS" TOUR THAT INCLUDED
03:09
SELLING AUTOGRAPHED STEAK KNIVES.
03:13
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I GUESS IT WAS EITHER THAT OR
03:14
MONOGRAMMED PENISES.
03:18
( LAUGHTER ) ERICKSON NOT ONLY BOUNCED AROUND
03:19
MANY DIFFERENT JOBS, HE ALSO MADE LOTS OF ENEMIES.
03:22
HE WAS SUED MULTIPLE TIMES FOR FRAUD, AND ONE SOURCE DESCRIBED
03:25
HIM AS KIND OF LIKE A TALLER, MORE PHYSICALLY UNAPPEALING
03:28
LEONARDO DICAPRIO IN "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN."
03:33
( LAUGHTER ) I BELIEVE THAT VERSION OF THE
03:34
MOVIE WOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED, "ANYONE WANT TO CATCH ME?
03:36
NO?
03:37
OKAY, WELL, I'LL BE HERE IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND."
03:40
( LAUGHTER ) THINGS BETWEEN ERICKSON AND
03:42
BUTINA GOT SERIOUS PRETTY QUICKLY.
03:46
THEY MOVED IN TOGETHER, BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT A 29-YEAR-OLD
03:49
RUSSIAN SPY DATING A 56-YEAR-OLD POLITICAL OPERATIVE MIGHT HAVE
03:52
ULTERIOR MOTIVES.
03:53
BECAUSE THE F.B.I. SAYS THAT, "SHE APPEARS TO TREAT THAT
03:57
RELATIONSHIP AS SIMPLY A NECESSARY ASPECT OF HER
03:59
ACTIVITIES."
04:00
WHAT?
04:02
DO YOU MEAN TO SAY A WOMAN IN HER TWENTIES WASN'T REALLY
04:05
ATTRACTED TO THIS MAN?
04:08
( LAUGHTER ) HE'S GOT A FOREHEAD THAT JUST
04:10
WON'T QUIT, LADIES.
04:12
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT PRETTY YOUNG THING WOULDN'T
04:13
WANT TO BE SEEN AROUND TOWN WITH A SHINY EGG DIPPED IN PUBES?
04:18
( LAUGHTER ) BUT HE BETRAYED OUR COUNTRY.
04:20
HE BETRAYED OUR COUNTRY.
04:25
( APPLAUSE ) BUT STRANGELY, BUTINA WAS IMMUNE
04:29
TO HIS CHARMS, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE LEGAL DOCUMENTS RELEASED
04:31
TODAY, SHE REPEATEDLY EXPRESSED DISDAIN FOR CONTINUING TO
04:36
COHABITATE WITH ERICKSON.
04:37
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS BAD TO GET DUMPED VIA TEXT.
04:40
HE JUST GOT DUMPED VIA COURT FILING.
04:44
( LAUGHTER ) THIS GUY HAD IT BAD FOR HER.
04:45
WHILE BUTINA WAS IN COLLEGE, SHE WOULD ROUTINELY ASK ERICKSON TO
04:49
HELP COMPLETE HER ACADEMIC ASSIGNMENTS, BY EDITING PAPERS
04:51
AND ANSWERING EXAM QUESTIONS.
04:55
"HMM, I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT MEDIEVAL EUROPEAN HISTORY.
04:58
ANY QUESTIONS ON THAT TEST ABOUT SELLING STEAK KNIVES FOR MEN
05:02
WITH SEVERED PENISES?" ( LAUGHTER )
05:04
AND SHE WASN'T JUST CHEATING ON HER TESTS, SHE WAS ALSO CHEATING
05:08
ON HIM.
05:10
BECAUSE THE FILING SAYS BUTINA "OFFERED AN INDIVIDUAL OTHER
05:13
THAN ERICKSON SEX IN EXCHANGE FOR A POSITION WITH A SPECIAL
05:16
INTEREST ORGANIZATION."
05:18
ALTHOUGH THE PERSON POLITELY EXPLAINED SHE ONLY NEEDED A
05:21
VALID LICENSE AND $50 TO JOIN A.A.A.
05:25
( LAUGHTER ) AND 24-HOUR SERVICE.
05:30
( LAUGHTER ) AND ERICKSON WASN'T BUTINA'S
05:31
ONLY CO-CONSPIRATOR.
05:33
HER BOSS BACK IN THE MOTHERLAND WAS RUSSIAN OLIGARCH AND PATTON
05:37
OSWALT OF THE EASTERN BLOC, ALEKSANDER TORSHIN.
05:42
THE F.B.I. REVEALED THAT ON ELECTION NIGHT, AFTER TRUMP WAS
05:45
DECLARED THE WINNER, BUTINA WROTE TORSHIN TO SAY, "I'M GOING
05:48
TO SLEEP.
05:51
IT'S 3:00 A.M. HERE.
05:52
I AM READY FOR FURTHER ORDERS."
05:54
BY THE WAY, "I AM READY FOR FURTHER ORDERS" IS THE THEME OF
05:56
TRUMP'S NEXT MEETING WITH PUTIN.
00:00
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
00:01
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
00:03
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HAPPY FRIDAY, ONE AND ALL.
00:10
YOU MADE IT!
00:12
WE MADE IT, WE EARNED IT.
00:16
WE EARNED IT THIS WEEK COULD NOT END SOON ENOUGH BECAUSE ALL WEEK
00:20
DONALD TRUMP HAS BEEN INSULTING OUR ALLIES IN
00:23
NATO AND COZYING UP TO RUSSIA.
00:24
IT'S LIKE THAT OLD SAYING: THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS ALSO MY
00:28
ENEMY.
00:28
FRIENDS MAKE YOU WEAK!
00:32
( LAUGHTER ) THEN YESTERDAY, HE INVITED
00:35
VLADIMIR PUTIN TO THE WHITE HOUSE.
00:37
WE HAVE A COPY OF THE INVITATION:
00:40
PLEASE CHOOSE: CHICKEN, FISH, OR THE LAUNCH CODES.
00:44
( LAUGHTER ) BY NOW, IT'S AN ESTABLISHED FACT
00:51
THAT RUSSIAN MILITARY OFFICERS HACKED D.N.C. SERVERS TO HELP
00:55
GET DONALD TRUMP ELECTED.
00:57
BUT THIS WAS NO ONE PRONGED STRATEGY.
01:01
THEY ALSO PRONGED THE N.R.A.
01:03
WITH THEIR SPY MARIA BUTINA.
01:11
S♪ ( LAUGHTER )
01:15
SHE WAS CHARGED WITH CONSPIRACY TO ACT AS AN AGENT OF THE
01:19
RUSSIAN FEDERATION WITHIN THE UNITED STATES WITHOUT PRIOR
01:21
NOTIFICATION TO THE ATTORNEY GENERAL.
01:24
WHAT?!
01:25
I DIDN'T KNOW SPYING IS OKAY IF YOU
01:29
JUST GET THE ATTORNEY GENERAL TO SIGN A PERMISSION SLIP?
01:32
"TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, PLEASE EXCUSE MARIA FROM THE LAW.
01:39
SINCERELY, JEFFERSON BEAUREGARD-OVICH SESSIONS."
01:46
( LAUGHTER ) PROSECUTORS ASKED THAT BUTINA BE
01:48
DETAINED AHEAD OF HER TRIAL.
01:50
THEY SAY SHE'S A FLIGHT RISK BECAUSE OF "HER HISTORY OF
01:52
DECEPTIVE CONDUCT, THE STRONG EVIDENCE OF GUILT, AND HER
01:56
EXTENSIVE FOREIGN CONNECTIONS."
01:57
OH MY GOD, DONALD TRUMP IS ALSO A FLIGHT RISK!
02:00
( LAUGHTER ) CHECK THE AIRPORT FOR A WHITE
02:02
MAN, 6'3", WIG MADE OF MOLDY HAY-- IF YOU SEE HIM FLEEING THE
02:08
COUNTRY, LET HIM GO.
02:13
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
02:15
( PIANO RIFF ) BUT HERE'S THE DEAL --
02:25
BUTINA DOES HAVE TIES IN THE UNITED STATES.
02:27
FOR EXAMPLE, SHE WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH LONGTIME
02:28
REPUBLICAN INSIDER AND PENNYWISE WITHOUT THE MAKEUP, PAUL
02:35
ERICKSON.
02:36
THESE DAYS, ERICKSON IS A SUPER-CONNECTED POWER PLAYER IN
02:39
CONSERVATIVE POLITICS, WHICH IS A BIG STEP UP FROM HIS JOB IN
02:42
THE '90S AS "MEDIA ADVISER FOR JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT, THE MAN
02:46
WHOSE WIFE, LORENA, CHOPPED HIS PENIS OFF WITH A CARVING KNIFE."
02:50
CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT'S MEDIA ADVISOR?
02:55
"JOHN, THE PUBLIC'S STARTING TO LOSE INTEREST-- HOW WOULD YOU
02:58
FEEL-- AND HEAR ME OUT-- WE CHOP OFF YOUR PENIS AGAIN?"
03:04
( LAUGHTER ) AS PART OF THAT GIG, ERICKSON
03:06
SENT BOBBITT ON AN INTERNATIONAL "LOVE HURTS" TOUR THAT INCLUDED
03:09
SELLING AUTOGRAPHED STEAK KNIVES.
03:13
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I GUESS IT WAS EITHER THAT OR
03:14
MONOGRAMMED PENISES.
03:18
( LAUGHTER ) ERICKSON NOT ONLY BOUNCED AROUND
03:19
MANY DIFFERENT JOBS, HE ALSO MADE LOTS OF ENEMIES.
03:22
HE WAS SUED MULTIPLE TIMES FOR FRAUD, AND ONE SOURCE DESCRIBED
03:25
HIM AS KIND OF LIKE A TALLER, MORE PHYSICALLY UNAPPEALING
03:28
LEONARDO DICAPRIO IN "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN."
03:33
( LAUGHTER ) I BELIEVE THAT VERSION OF THE
03:34
MOVIE WOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED, "ANYONE WANT TO CATCH ME?
03:36
NO?
03:37
OKAY, WELL, I'LL BE HERE IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND."
03:40
( LAUGHTER ) THINGS BETWEEN ERICKSON AND
03:42
BUTINA GOT SERIOUS PRETTY QUICKLY.
03:46
THEY MOVED IN TOGETHER, BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT A 29-YEAR-OLD
03:49
RUSSIAN SPY DATING A 56-YEAR-OLD POLITICAL OPERATIVE MIGHT HAVE
03:52
ULTERIOR MOTIVES.
03:53
BECAUSE THE F.B.I. SAYS THAT, "SHE APPEARS TO TREAT THAT
03:57
RELATIONSHIP AS SIMPLY A NECESSARY ASPECT OF HER
03:59
ACTIVITIES."
04:00
WHAT?
04:02
DO YOU MEAN TO SAY A WOMAN IN HER TWENTIES WASN'T REALLY
04:05
ATTRACTED TO THIS MAN?
04:08
( LAUGHTER ) HE'S GOT A FOREHEAD THAT JUST
04:10
WON'T QUIT, LADIES.
04:12
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT PRETTY YOUNG THING WOULDN'T
04:13
WANT TO BE SEEN AROUND TOWN WITH A SHINY EGG DIPPED IN PUBES?
04:18
( LAUGHTER ) BUT HE BETRAYED OUR COUNTRY.
04:20
HE BETRAYED OUR COUNTRY.
04:25
( APPLAUSE ) BUT STRANGELY, BUTINA WAS IMMUNE
04:29
TO HIS CHARMS, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE LEGAL DOCUMENTS RELEASED
04:31
TODAY, SHE REPEATEDLY EXPRESSED DISDAIN FOR CONTINUING TO
04:36
COHABITATE WITH ERICKSON.
04:37
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS BAD TO GET DUMPED VIA TEXT.
04:40
HE JUST GOT DUMPED VIA COURT FILING.
04:44
( LAUGHTER ) THIS GUY HAD IT BAD FOR HER.
04:45
WHILE BUTINA WAS IN COLLEGE, SHE WOULD ROUTINELY ASK ERICKSON TO
04:49
HELP COMPLETE HER ACADEMIC ASSIGNMENTS, BY EDITING PAPERS
04:51
AND ANSWERING EXAM QUESTIONS.
04:55
"HMM, I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT MEDIEVAL EUROPEAN HISTORY.
04:58
ANY QUESTIONS ON THAT TEST ABOUT SELLING STEAK KNIVES FOR MEN
05:02
WITH SEVERED PENISES?" ( LAUGHTER )
05:04
AND SHE WASN'T JUST CHEATING ON HER TESTS, SHE WAS ALSO CHEATING
05:08
ON HIM.
05:10
BECAUSE THE FILING SAYS BUTINA "OFFERED AN INDIVIDUAL OTHER
05:13
THAN ERICKSON SEX IN EXCHANGE FOR A POSITION WITH A SPECIAL
05:16
INTEREST ORGANIZATION."
05:18
ALTHOUGH THE PERSON POLITELY EXPLAINED SHE ONLY NEEDED A
05:21
VALID LICENSE AND $50 TO JOIN A.A.A.
05:25
( LAUGHTER ) AND 24-HOUR SERVICE.
05:30
( LAUGHTER ) AND ERICKSON WASN'T BUTINA'S
05:31
ONLY CO-CONSPIRATOR.
05:33
HER BOSS BACK IN THE MOTHERLAND WAS RUSSIAN OLIGARCH AND PATTON
05:37
OSWALT OF THE EASTERN BLOC, ALEKSANDER TORSHIN.
05:42
THE F.B.I. REVEALED THAT ON ELECTION NIGHT, AFTER TRUMP WAS
05:45
DECLARED THE WINNER, BUTINA WROTE TORSHIN TO SAY, "I'M GOING
05:48
TO SLEEP.
05:51
IT'S 3:00 A.M. HERE.
05:52
I AM READY FOR FURTHER ORDERS."
05:54
BY THE WAY, "I AM READY FOR FURTHER ORDERS" IS THE THEME OF
05:56
TRUMP'S NEXT MEETING WITH PUTIN.
